Damon VS Edward: Who is Hotter?
by Dbz VD rox
Summary: Damon and Edward are on a game show called "Who is Hotter?" and they want to find out who is hotter. Is it Edward? Or Damon? Please review and I might put in more characters!
1. Chapter 1

Damon VS Edward: Who is Hotter?

Welcome to our game show! It's called "Who is Hotter", starring Damon Salvatore and Edward Sullen!

Edward: My last name is Cullen, not Sullen.

Oops my bad. I've been watching the new clip for Vampire Sucks too many times!

Damon: That name actually suits him better.

Edward: Shut up human killer.

Damon: Ha! I may kill humans but atleast I don't sparkle like some sort of fairy!

Edward: *growls* your just jealous because you can't sparkle like me! That's why the fangirls love me.

Damon: *laughs* Jacob has way more fans then you do but I out rank that puppy by a million fans! Girls just can't resist my good looks, my style and my charm.

Edward: You wanna bet?

Damon: Bring it sparkly pants!

Ok, that's enough! Let's start the show shall we? Ok our first contestant is a girl from Texas. Her name is Emily. Let's all give her a warm welcome!

Crowd: *cheers*

Damon: This one better be good.

Ok Emily, what vampire movie or show do you like best?

Emily: Well, I like Twilight but not as much as Vampire Diaries. I used to love Twilight but I was team Jacob, now I'm team Damon and love Vampire Diaries more!

Damon: Haha in your face loser!

Edward: She loved Twilight first! So HA!

Emily: Just so you know Edward, I never liked you. You're stupid, ugly, and shine like retarded fairy!

Edward: *glares* I hope you die a horrible death!

Damon: *smirks* I like you.

Emily: *blushes* Why thank you.

Damon: *kisses on her hand* Anytime. *winks*

Emily: *faints*

Ok take her off the stage.

*five minutes later*

Ok now for our next contestant. Please welcome Elena Gilbert!

Damon: *grins* I have this one in the bag.

Edward: We'll see.

Ok Elena, who do you think is hotter? Damon or sprinkle pants?

Elena: Well, I kind of like Edward better.

Damon: *jaw drops and hits the floor*

Elena: I mean, he's like Stefan and doesn't feed on humans.

Edward: Who's hotter now hoe?

Damon: You did NOT just say that!

Elena: I'm sorry Damon.

Damon: *tackles Edward*

Umm...we're going to take a quick break!

*10 minutes later*

Ok, we're back.

Damon and Edward: *clothes ripped and splattered with blood*

Damon: You fight like a girl. Elena is more manly then you.

Edward: So? Atleast she chose ME instead of YOU!

Damon: *mutters under breath* I'm going to kill that whore.

Ok, that's enough Damon! On with the show! Next up Is Bonnie!

Bonnie: Hi guys.

Damon: Chose Edward and you die!

Edward: Damon will kill you in your sleep.

Damon: Atleast I'm not an obsessive stalker like you!

Edward: I do that so they are safe. What someone like you came along?

Damon: They'd leave you.

Ok, Bonnie. Who do you like and why?

Bonnie. Edward. Most definitely. He doesn't threaten to kill you and use you for his own amusement. *looks at Damon with hate-filled eyes*

Damon: HEY!

Edward: *Smirks* Me: 2, you: 1

Damon: Minor set back. They only choose you out of pity.

Edward: How about we let the readers decide? Let them come into the story and pick who they like and why.

Great idea Edward! Next chapter I will be adding something new. Whatever character you chose, you have to torture the other character. For example, I would choose Damon because he's so handsome and sweet when he wants to be. Now I get to torture Edward. You can do anything from throwing vervain on them to lighting fire on them. Just one rule: No killing allowed. (ok maybe Edward)

Edward: HEY!

Kidding!

Edward: You better be.

Damon: I like this idea. Now I get to watch as Edward gets tortured to death!

Edward: We'll see. You're just from a second rate TV show while my movie has captivated girls around the nation. In fact, if it wasn't for us, you wouldn't even have a show!

Damon: *growls* shut up freak.

Edward: You know it's true.

Ok that's all the contestants for now. If you would like to be featured in this fic then please leave a review saying who you like and why and how you want to torture the character that you didn't choose.

Damon: This is going to be fun.

Edward: Please review and choose me!

Damon: They have to be drunk or high to do that.

Edward: *glares*

Review!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Seems we have some reviews!

Damon: I know that they are for me so do you want me to get the flamethrower for vampire fairy over here?

Edward: *twitch*

Actually, Damon. They're for Edward.

Damon: WHAT? How can that fairy have any fans?

Ok first up is SouthernHemmy! SouthernHemmy who do you like and why?

SouthernHemmy: I like Edward, sparkles and all.

Ok and how will you torture Damon?

SouthernHemmy: Stakes.

Damon: *grabs SouthernHemmy by the throat* try anything and you die.

SouthernHemmy: *rams a stake into Damon's arm, causing him to let go and rams three more in*

Damon: OW! YOU LITTLE WHORE!

SouthernHemmy: *smirks and pours vervain all over Damon*

Damon: *screams* WHEN I GET RECOVERED YOUR BODY WILL BE A PILE OF ASHES!

Thank you SouthernHemmy. And about the question, no I will not be taking over Chi's show. This is different then hers and I have no intention of doing so. Moving on, next up is Ian Somerhalder!

Crowd: *screams and goes insane*

Ian: *smiles* nice you see you guys.

Damon: *still weak from the stakes and vervain* you better pick me.

Ok Ian, who do you like? Damon or Edward?

Ian: Well, Damon is a pompous jerk and Edward is a nice guy but I have to go with Damon since I play him on the show.

Damon: Good, now make that sparkling freak cry!

Ian: *jabs a stake in Edward's stomach*

Edward: You jerk! *kneels over in pain*

Damon: *smirks* now that your purpose has been served, GET OFF THE STAGE YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR AN ACTOR! YOU CAN NEVER BE ME!

Ian: *glares at Damon* is it possible to change my answer?

No, sorry. But if you want to torture Damon then feel free to do so.

Ian: *smirks as he pours more vervain all over Damon*

Damon: You. Are. So. DEAD!

Ian: Not from where I'm standing. *smiles sweetly at Damon before walking off*

Ok that was fun.

Damon: NO IT WASN'T!

Edward: *pulls stake out* I actually enjoyed it except when your clone stabbed me. It was very enjoyable. Looks like you don't have as much fans as you believe.

Damon: Can it twinkle toes!

Oh look, Emily's back!

Emily: Hey Hailey, I heard what happened to Damon. Can I torture him now please?

Sure, why not? But first you have to say you like Edward.

Emily: Fine. I like Edward. Now. Hehe...*walks over to Damon with an evil grin on her face*

Damon: *screams like a little girl as he's being horribly tortured*

Emily: There! All done!

Damon: *wearing a pink tutu and a golden tiara with pink slippers* You better sleep with one eye open tonight hoe!

Emily: Aww, don't you look so cute! Especially with all that make up on!

Damon: I hate you.

Emily: Aww, I love you too!

Haha and as an added bonus, Damon has to wear that outfit for the rest of the show!

Damon: THE HELL I'M NOT!

*smirks* yes you are! And I'm officially promoting Emily (aka saysinprincess1992) to being the co-host of this show!

Emily: Yay!

We have another contestant! Please welcome tweey09!

Tweey09: my name is Jarelis.  
I like damon because he's so hott and sexy and sometimes sweet and i want  
edward to be on fire.

Ok that can be arranged.

Edward: *screams as he is lit on fire*

*five minutes pass*

Ok, extinguish the fire.

Emily: *puts out the fire*

Edward: *extremely black and a tiny bit of fire is still in his hair. Breathes out smoke*

Damon: Oh god you look so funny!

Edward: Can it stake boy! *coughs*

Damon: Atleast I don't have a fireplace in my hair.

Edward: Huh? *reaches up and dusts the flames out*

Damon: *mutters* idiot.

Edward: Well, atleast I'm not dressed up as a woman!

Damon: You know what? I'm making a hit list, and you and Emily are on the very top!

Emily: I'm so flattered!

Damon: And I'm going to kill you first.

Emily: *smirk* go ahead and try. My boyfriend will protect me.

Damon: You think a puny human will be able to beat me?

Emily: It's not a human, it's the next best thing: a sayian.

Damon: Oooh I'm so scared of the big bad sayian! What is he going to do? Power up himself to death?

Emily: Nope, he's already powered up and ready to kick some butt. Oh Broly, won't you come over here please?

Broly: *flies over to where Emily is in his LSSJ (legendary super sayian) form and lands besides her, putting his arm around her small frame and kissing her temple.* Yes baby?

Emily: Show Damon the meaning of terror, but don't kill him.

Broly: Gladly. *looks at Damon then back at Emily* Wow her name is Damon? That's a weird name for a girl.

Emily: *laughing* that's a boy!

Broly: Then why is he wearing a tutu and pink slippers with a ton of make up and a golden tiara? Oh he's gay!

Emily: *tears rolling down her face, trying to catch her breath* No, I put that on him to torture him and he has to wear it for the rest of the show!

Broly: Oh.

Emily: After I did that, he threatened to kill me.

Broly: *eyes widen in rage* he won't touch you, not over my dead body. *turns to Damon and picks him up by his neck* you threaten my girl again, and you'll be needing plastic surgery to rearrange your face back to normal!

Damon: *too weak to say anything*

Broly: *smirks and throws him back onto the floor* I think I scared him stiff. Call me again if he does anything else to you.

Emily: *nods as he places a kiss on her cheek* bye babycakes.

Broly: Bye baby. *flies off*

Crowd: 0.0

Umm...that was a very good way to scare the eternal life out of him.

Emily: *smirk* yes it was!

Ok, let's go to the next contestant! Up next we have Alesandra54!

Alesandra54: ROFL...haha I LOVE this=p So I am most defiantly TEAM DAMON...WOOT WOOT! lol I  
love what you have so far. Very creative and original.  
I love Damon because well other than the whole hot/badass/badboy/ thing he has  
going on. He actually; whether he would admit it or not(most likely not) has a  
heart...somewhere...I think...Oh and did I mention that he is so freakin sexy  
it should be illegal?  
I would torture Edward by well... having him watch Damon attack Bella. Oh and I  
would love to randomly stake him and break a few limbs here and there =)

Ok, very good answer!

Damon: Congrats. You're not on my hit list. Heh, watch out Bella.

Bella: *screams as Damon attacks her*

Edward: Leave her alone! *tries to stop him but got slammed into a wall by Damon*

Alesandra54: *laughs*

Damon: *Punches Bella in the face and throws her into the wall.*

Bella: *blood coming out of almost every part of her body* Please stop!

Ok, that's enough Damon.

Damon: *stops hitting Bella and walks away from her while a horror-struck Edward watches*

Edward: Bella, my love, are you alright?

Bella: *runs into his arms crying*

Damon: *rolls eyes* give me a break.

Edward: I hate you Damon!

Damon: I know.

Next contestant up is burntcinnamon!

burntcinnamon: Okay! I 3 ur story!  
I choose Damon cause hr is like sex in a bottle and totally hot! EdwEirdo AKA  
RPattz is a ugly non- shaving person !  
I want to tie Edward to a chair with ropes laced with vervain and make it so  
he cannot move and then get Damon to help me wound edward with several pointy  
knives! And then get Damon to compel Bella to change into scanty lingerie and  
give him a lapdance.  
Emotional and physical torture on Eddie!

Done!

Edward: I HATE YOU ALL! *tries to break free*

Damon: *laughs* you can't get free, idiot.

Edward: *gives Damon the death glare*

Damon: *walks over to Bella and compels her* Give me a lap dance and make it good.

Bella: *gives Damon a lap dance*

Damon: Wow, this one an't half bad!

Edward: I'll murder you.

*sees Emily walking towards her* Oh hey Emily, whatssup?

Emily: Just thought i would bring some stuff to help with the torture.

A chainsaw, a curling iron, a make up kit, a crowbar, a flamethrower, some bottles filled with vervain, and a couple of stakes? Thanks!

Emily: Anytime! Oh and Damon.

Damon: *glares* what?

Emily: *smiles innocently as she kicked him in the groin*

Damon: MY BALLS!

Emily: Bye, have fun! I'll come back when I can think up of more ideas for torture. *walks off*

Damon: *clutching his lower area* stupid little b-

Hey watch your mouth!

Damon: UP YOURS!

*glares and grabs Damon by his hair, yanking it hard*

Damon: OW OW OW!

That's what you get.

Damon: *rubs head* you just moved up on my hit list.

Like I care Nancy.

Damon: What did you just call me?

Nancy, it's a girl name because you look like a girl.

Damon: I'M NOT A GIRL!

Couldn't fooled me with that outfit you're wearing.

Damon: Screw you.

*smiles* ok next up is kazumiXheartless!

kazumiXheartless: I love it! I'm team Damon because I never really like Edward. Shiny bastard.

Ok, now since there is no message explaining of the torture, we have to do it ourselves. Emily, would you do the honors?

Emily: Gladly. *walks up to Edward with a flamethrower in hand and sets his balls on fire* Hope you like extra crispy fried balls!

Edward: *screams like a little schoolgirl*

Emily: *laughing evilly* I'm so evil.

*laughing hysterically* yes you are!

Edward: *hopping around while clutching his groin area* PUT THE FIRE OUT! PUT THE FIRE OUT!

Emily: I like fried donut balls.

Me too! They are so good! What she is referring to is actually little donut cakes but we call them fried donut balls for fun because they're small and round.

Emily: Just like Damon's!

Damon: WHY YOU LITTLE WHORE! I'LL MAKE SURE TO DRAG OUT YOUR DEATH LONG AND SLOW!

Emily: Go ahead and try. Just remember who my boyfriend is.

Damon: That over sized of muscle freak doesn't scare me. They're probably just for show. Hell, I bet they're fake.

Broly: *flies over and punches Damon in the face, sending him flying high into the air until you couldn't even see him.*

Crowd: 0.0

Wow. I wonder how long it'll be till he comes back down. We have a show to do!

*ten minutes later a speck in the sky could be seen*

And that's him. Somebody either flies up and get him or try to catch him.

Edward: He's a vampire he'll be fine.

Damon: *hits the ground hard, creating a small crater the size of his body.*

Damon? Are you ok?

Damon: *groans as he stands up, his hair a complete mess but the dress somehow remained unharmed* Why didn't anybody bother to catch me?

Because Edward said that it was fine because you were a vampire and could withstand those kinds of falls.

Damon: *eyes turn toward Edward with the look of death* I'M GOING TO KILL YOU YOU STUPID FAIRY!

*Damon and Edward fight*

Emily: *sighs as she throws liquid vervain at them* break it up.

*Damon and Edward stop fighting* what was that for?

Someone had to break you up.

Damon: *glares* that sparkling reject deserved it.

Edward: Now princess, that's no way to talk.

Damon: SHUT UP!

Emily: Hailey, let's continue with the show!

Right! Let's continue! Contestant Misssagagemini is up!

Misssagagemini: I would choose Damon without any doubts !  
I love that smile he makes and his deep eyes..  
He is just a keeper ! 3  
I don't really care that he is kind of a bad boy because he is so handsome and  
attractive and sensual and.. you know ;)  
Hum... torturing Edward. It doesn't bother me to do it but I like Twilight too  
(not as much as VD) and I was always team Edward since Jacob is a pre-teen  
hairy dog.  
My torture would then be to.. give Bella to Damon so he can drink her blood  
and just kill her already ! :P In front of Edward of course, without him being  
able to help the girl :)

Edward: *finally put out the fire and breathed a sigh of relief* finally I can relax. *eyes widen when he sees Damon killing Bella* NO!

Damon: *smirks as he throws Bella's empty shell to the ground* whoops, looks like I killed your girlfriend.

Edward: YOU JERK! DIE! *attacks Damon*

*sigh* not this again.

Emily: *nods*

Guys, break it up we have another contestant!

*Damon and Edward continue fighting*

*gets a flamethrower and blasts it toward Damon and Edward*

*Damon and Edward stops fighting*

Good! Now that I have your attention, please welcome Heart-Broken-In-Love!

Heart-Broken-In-Love: I'm drunk and high but I'm still in my right mind enough to choose Damon! Haha  
I want to torture Edward to death! The gay sparkly fairy the ** bag needs to die!

I know how you feel. You can have some fun but not too much. We need him alive for the next chapter.

Heart-Broken-In-Love: Thanks. *grabs Edward and takes him backstage*

*loud screams of pain could be heard*

I don't even want to know what she is doing to him.

Damon: Heh heh. I know exactly what they are doing.

Keep your thoughts to yourself!

Damon: Fine. *grins* ram that sparkling -beep- Hey! What did you do that for?

Because we have younger people here and that language is not appropriate!

Damon: As if I give a flying -beep-

That will happen every time you cuss. You can thank Emily for coming up with it.

Damon: I'll thank that -beep- when she is dead.

Emily: Now, is that a way to talk to a lady? Especially one who has a super strong boyfriend?

Damon: Lady? *gags* more like an over inflated balloon.

Emily: *snaps fingers and Broly appears beside her* Why don't you say that again?

Damon: I don't repeat myself.

Broly: What did that he she say?

Damon: I'm standing right here!

Emily: He called me fat. An over inflated balloon.

Broly: *glares stakes at Damon* I'll hit you so hard this time I'll send you to the moon!

Damon: Bring it! You're ugly and look alot like Edward with the glowing body.

Broly: *punches Damon as hard as he could and sends Damon flying through the air*

I can't see him anymore. Do you think Broly sent him to the moon?

Emily: Probably. He'll be the first vampire ever to land- or crash onto the moon.

*Heart-Brown-In-Love comes back with a crying Edward*

Emily: So how did it go?

Edward: STAY AWAY FROM ME!

I'm guessing it didn't go well for Edward.

Emily: Edward, what happened to your arm? It looks almost completely torn off!

Edward: THAT GIRL IS EVIL!

*Damon comes crashing down into the ground, creating another crater but much bigger then the last*

How was your trip to the moon, Damon?

Damon: *spits out rocks from his mouth* I'm going to kill that over muscled freak and enjoy ripping out his throat!

Well that has to wait because we have another contestant! Please welcome elenastarstalker!

elenastarstalker: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA omg this was sooo funny! I couldn't shut up laughing!  
Anyways, I choose Damon, for 3 reasons: he's hotter, killing people is hot,  
and he likes pickles. I would torture Edward by throwing him in a fireplace  
for a half an hour.  
Once again, very VERY funny!

Damon: *smirks* finally someone thinks that killing humans is hot.

Edward: That person must be on crack then.

Damon: Ok that's enough out of you. *throws Edward into the fireplace*

Edward: *screams bloody murder*

Emily: Burn baby burn!

*half an hour later*

Ok take Edward out of the fireplace.

Damon: *grabs the half barbecued vampire and threw him onto the floor*

Edward: I need water!

Damon: *dumps a bucket full of ice cold water on him with a dozen piranhas in it* Enjoy.

Edward: *screams as piranhas started biting him*

Damon: *laughs evilly*

Edward: *runs away from the piranhas* I HATE YOU!

Damon: Hate is such a strong word.

Edward: Stupid little sissy! Go back to your tea parties and leave me the hell alone!

Damon: You really shouldn't have said that. *grabs flamethrower and lights Edward's hair on fire*

Edward: *screaming like a little girl and running around franticly*

You guys are such children. *rolls eyes* anyways, I'm deciding to end this chapter here but first lets tally up the votes!

Emily: So far Damon has 8 votes and Edward has only 2.

Edward: That is a lie!

Damon: Stop being such a baby.

Edward: No, I had three votes, not two!

Damon: *snort* what other person on crack would read this and vote for you?

Edward: She said that she liked me! *points to Emily*

Emily: I only said that so I could torture Damon.

Edward: I know you want me. *sexy smirk*

Emily: Excuse me while I go throw up. *runs to the bathroom*

Damon: Haha see? She doesn't like you! She likes me because no one can resist the Damon Salvatore charm!

Edward: The only charm you have is to make girls disappear when they are in bed with you.

Damon: They disappear because they know that you are coming!

Ok guys, this chapter is over now. I would like to thank everyone for reviewing this chapter and giving me an idea of who you like and *looks at Edward* don't like.

Edward: *mutters under breath* whore.

Anyways, this just came to me. Instead of making this just about Edward and Damon, I was thinking about adding a few more characters to face against each other. Like, once I go through a couple of chapters, the person who wins the most chapters advances on and the other person who loses will be sent home. Then he could face off against someone else. I'm still thinking about it so let me know in the reviews what you think! Again, thanks so much for reviewing!


	3. Chapter 3

Damon VS Edward Who is Hotter Chapter 3

Well, got a couple reviews and they happen to like my idea! So next chapter, someone will be leaving this fic unless if Edward somehow gets more votes then Damon. Then the next one will be a tie breaker.

Edward: Come on people you know you like me better then that crazy vampire over there who dresses like a girl.

Damon: I was FORCED into this! It wasn't my idea to wear it! That ugly whale did this to me!

Emily: *eyes narrow* excuse me?

Damon: You heard me you fat toad!

Emily: Broly!

Broly: *appears next to her* yes sweetie?

Emily: *eyes water and fake cries* Damon called me a whale!

Damon: Wow you really are whipped. Can't you tell that she's faking you big oaf!

Broly: Grr! *grabs Damon and begins beating him senselessly*

Damon: I'll have my revenge!

Emily: *giggles* have fun Damon!

Damon: You stupid whore!

Ok...well since no one has offered any ideas for torture or picked who they liked I guess I have to start this off. Please welcome Caroline!

Crowd: *cheers*

Caroline: Hello everyone! *waves*

Damon: *gets away from Broly* Hello to you babydoll.

Caroline: *looks at Damon with disgust* beat it Damon.

Damon: Aw you still have hard feelings? Why can't you let that go?

Caroline: You bit me, held me against my will, and almost killed me. I'm not going to let it go! Btw, I like your dress. It's really pretty and suits you perfectly.

Damon: *growls and looks at Emily who was smiling sweetly* I hate you!

Emily: *blows him a kiss* love you too!

Ok Caroline, who do you like better?

Caroline: You're kidding me right? Damon is a jerk that needs to be lit on fire and burned. I choose Edward!

Edward: Haha in your face!

Damon: She doesn't know what she is talking about. Who could resist this? *takes off shirt and causes a few girls in the audience to faint*

Edward: Anybody that is blind.

Damon: No, because they would all date you until they could see then immediately hop on the next plane to Cuba just to get away from you!

So, Damon. How do you want to be tortured?

Damon: How about you just don't do it at all?

Emily: I have an idea. *evil grin*

Damon: Oh no! Not you! I'd rather get sent to the moon again then get tortured by you!

What is your idea Emily?

Emily: *laughs evilly* muhahahaha! Perfect. *rubs hands together while smiling*

Damon: *backs up a little as Emily advances on him* stay the hell away from me!

Emily: *grins as she ties Damon in a chair soaked with vervain*

Damon: God this burns! *hisses*

Emily: *gets a small TV and plugs it up.*

Damon: *watches as she turns on the TV and screams in horror* NOOOOO! MY EYES! MY EYES! THEY'RE BEING RAPED!

Emily: Enjoy! After that you still have two more to watch! We will let you go when all three are done playing.

Damon: I CAN'T TAKE THIS! OK, OK! I TAKE BACK EVERY MEAN THING I SAID ABOUT YOU! NOW WILL YOU PLEASE LET ME GO?

Emily: *smiles* nope. This is too entertaining.

Edward: Is he watching Twilight?

Emily: Yep.

Damon: *tries to close eyes but found them taped back* why can't I close my eyes?

Emily: But Damon, if you did that then you would miss all the fun!

Edward: Yeah, you would.

Damon: *glares daggers at Emily* don't go to sleep tonight!

Emily: I don't think I am. Broly and I are going to be busy all night long, if you know what I mean.

Damon: *gags*

Um ew, I don't think anybody needed to know that.

Damon: I sure didn't.

Broly: *wraps arms around Emily and kisses her*

Emily: *tugs on Broly's hair and deepens the kiss*

Damon: That's it. I'm going to be sick. *throws up*

EMILY AND BROLY! Not infront of people!

Emily and Broly: *breaks apart and goes to sit down together*

Ok, now for our next one! Oh hey, Ian's back!

Ian: Hey everybody. I wanted to come back and see how the show is going.

Well, so far Damon has the most votes.

Ian: No surprise there. *looks over at Edward* what happened to him?

Oh, let's just say alot of people enjoy torturing him.

Ian: Oh, so is there anything I can do to help out?

Um no I think we are good. But if I need assistance with anything I'll be sure to give you a call!

Ian: Ok and thanks. *walks off*

Damon: AHHHHH!

What is it Damon?

Damon: That reject just sparkled and now I'm blind!

Edward: *snickers* I dazzle everybody. No one can resist my shininess!

Damon: Go to hell you vampire fairy!

Edward: Aww now Cinderella, is that appropriate lady talk?

Damon: *twitch* Cinderella? CINDERELLA? NOW YOU'RE DEAD! *rips off the vervain ropes in one fluid movement and attacks Edward*

Edward: *screams like a girl and runs away from the deranged Damon*

Damon: That's right you better run!

Edward: *runs into the sun and sparkled*

Damon: OH GOD! *stops chasing him and covers his eyes* my eyes burn!

Edward: *smirks* seems I have one up on you.

Damon: In your dreams pretty boy!

Edward: I beg to differ.

Ok ok guys. That's enough. We have a constant! Please welcome Heena!

Heena: heyyyyy...i really enjoyed reading it...poor edward though...u cud have given  
him atleast some more votes...lol...though i (totally) love damon right nw i  
guess ill always have a soft spot for ed cuz directly or indirectly hes the  
one who got me into vd in the first place

Edward: Aw you're so sweet! Atleast someone likes me! *glares at everyone in the room*

Damon: That poor fool is probably wasted to be thanking you for anything, but atleast I was the one that was chosen. Now, how should we torture you? I know! How about we make you watch every episode of Vampire Diaries?

Edward: *eyes widen* NO!

Damon: It's only fair right? I had to sit through that monstrosity of a movie so you must do the same.

I think that is a good idea. Emily, won't you come over here and put on Vampire Diaries for Eddie over here?

Emily: Gladly. *ties Edward to a chair and puts the DVD in*

Edward: NOOOO!

Damon: Who's laughing now twinkle toes?

Edward: SHUT UP CINDERELLA!

Damon: Say that again and I might 'accidentally' set that rope on fire.

Emily: Oh Damon! You haven't finished watching Twilight yet!

Damon: Oh hell no! *runs away from Emily at vampire speed* haha come and catch me -beep-

Emily: *sighs* guess I have to do this the hard way. Oh Brolycums!

Broly: *flies over to Emily and glares menacingly at Damon* I know what to do. *quickly grabs Damon and superglues him to the chair and wraps vervain ropes everywhere on his body* There! Now let's see you escape!

Damon: I SWEAR TO GOD WHEN I GET OUT OF THIS EVERYONE HERE WILL BE DEAD! STARTING WITH YOU! *points to me*

Aw come on Damon. It's just a game.

Damon: Just a game? JUST A GAME? THIS IS UNCALLED FOR!

Whatever. Ok since this is going to take awhile, I'm going to go ahead and end this chapter. First, let's see how Damon and Edward did.

Emily: Damon: 1 Edward: 1

Wow, same scores. But if you add the total number of points up Damon has nine and Edward four. So Damon wins!

Damon: Great, now will you let me go?

Emily: Doesn't work that way Damon. The torture commences.

Damon: Ugh. You suck.

Emily: I know! But Broly is the only one that I will suck!

Damon: *face turns green* Didn't. Need. To. Know. That.

Haha...*sweat drop* anyways, I would like to thank everyone for reviewing and remember that Stefan will be appearing in the next chapter to face off against Damon so have your torture ideas ready!

Damon: My brother doesn't stand a chance against me.

Edward: Don't assume anything yet. He could surprise you.

Damon: The only thing that Stefan has done to surprise me was drink human blood! And that didn't last very long!

Edward: Then he got back onto animal blood.

Damon: What a loser.

Emily: If I must say Damon, you were the one to help him get off the human blood and go back to killing animals.

Damon: That's only because he was going to expose me by gnawing on everyone in town! That freak has no self-control whatsoever!

Whatever you say Damon. We know that you care about him.

Damon: Pfft! As if!

*sigh* anyways, we end the chapter here. Until next time!

Damon: AHHHH! MY EYES ARE BEING RAPED AGAIN!

Emily: This is going to be a long day.

A/N: In case you don't know who Broly is that Emily is with, he is a guy from Dragon Ball Z, which is an amine show. She has a huge crush on him. Anyways, hoped you enjoyed and review please


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I'm so happy!

Damon: *raises eyebrow* and why is that?

Well, for one we have a ton of reviews for this story and this other story I wrote plus great torture ideas!

Edward: What was the other story that you wrote?

Go look and see. It's called "My Deepest Secrets."

Edward: *reads story and dies laughing* oh my gosh, this story is awesome!

Damon: Let me read it! *reads story and eyes widen* YOU SICK WHORE! YOU WROTE A SLASH STORY ABOUT MY BROTHER AND ME?

Yep! *laughs* I couldn't find an incest story of you two on the site so I decided to write one!

Damon: You're SICK!

I know! Tee hee!

Edward: So do I go home or can I stay and watch Damon be tortured?

Damon: GO HOME! NO ONE WANTS YOU HERE!

Hmmm...ok you can stay! *receives a death glare from Damon*

Damon: You -beep-

Ok, put your hands together for Stefan!

Crowd: *cheers and whistles*

Stefan: *smiles* thank you everybody! It's a joy to be here today!

Damon: Joy for you, hell for me.

Stefan: Aw come on brother, lighten up. We're just going to play a game.

Damon: Yeah, and you also get TORTURED BEYOND BELIEF in it!

Stefan: It can't be that bad.

Damon: *quirks eyebrow* oh it can't can it? How would you like to sit through three hours of non-stop "Bella I love you so much" and "you'll always be my Bella" WHILE being tied to a chair with ropes soaked in VERVAIN!

Stefan: *scratches head* that could be pretty bad.

Damon: YOU THINK?

Edward: Vampire Diaries actually wasn't so bad. I laughed at the season finale when you kissed Katherine and not Elena!

Damon: SHUT UP TWINKLE TOES!

Stefan: Oh Damon, I've been meaning to ask you something, why are you wearing a dress?

Damon: *growls* Don't. Ask.

Stefan: *puts hands up* ok ok, no need to get all vicious on me.

Emily: If Damon gets too out of line, just call me or Broly. We'll set him straight.

Damon: STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME YOU CRAZY -BEEP-

Emily: I'm going to pretend that I didn't hear that.

Ok let's start with our first contestant! Please welcome Heart-Broken-In-Love! She has been on this show before so welcome back!

Heart-Broken-In-Love: hehe I cant wait till you bring Stefan in! I would love to dip him in a tank  
of vervain and let him shrivel up like an old lady! Team Damon forever  
because who wants someone who kills Bambi?

Stefan: *eyes widen*

Damon: *smirks* I like this girl. She knows who the right brother is.

Stefan: *screams as he is being thrown into a tank full of vervain*

Damon: May I add something? *goes over to the tank and drops a shark in*

0.0 Where in the world did you get a SHARK?

Damon: *shrugs* I just got it.

*Screams of agony could be heard*

Edward: It's fun to watch from the sidelines!

Damon: *growls* why can't you leave?

Edward: Why can't you grow a pair?

Damon: *grabs Edward by the throat* Would you like to join my brother?

Edward: I'm not even in this game anymore!

Damon: I don't care! You pissed me off!

Emily: *hits Damon with frying pan* bad Damon! Go sit down and let poor Edward alone!

Damon: *flips Emily off*

Emily: *gasp* that's it! *grabs a bottle of vervain and pours it all over Damon*

Damon: *screams and runs away* Why do you even care about Edward? I thought you hated him!

Emily: Oh I do, I just feel bad for people that have to deal with your crap.

Damon: Oh you are SO lucky that your boyfriend is here or else I would've killed you a long time ago!

Emily: Even if Broly wasn't here I can still kick your butt.

Damon: Oh really? *runs up to Emily at vampire speed and grips her neck tightly* what now?

Emily: Haven't you learned anything? *pulls out a stake and rams it into Damon's stomach*

Damon: *rolls on the floor in agony*

Emily: *smirks as she walks over to Broly and kisses him*

Damon: YOU -BEEP-

Emily: Love you too sweetly! *waves*

Ok, does anybody think we should take Stefan out? He's been in there quite awhile.

Stefan: LET ME OUT OF HERE!

Broly: I'll get him. *pulls Stefan out and drops him on the floor*

Stefan: Ow my butt. I think the shark bit it off.

Damon: *snickers*

Stefan: *gives Damon the death glare*

Ok now we are ready for our next contestant! Please welcome elenastarkiller!

elenastarkiller: Hehehehehehehehehehe and Edward goes down! :D Anyways, I'm Team Stefan because  
he is just more mysterious and he would be nicer if I were to meet him. I  
would totally want to be Elena. Sorry Damon.

Keep writing this! I anticipate this now (even though it's only 3 chapters  
haha)

And how would you like to torture Damon?

elenastarkilker: I want him to watch Stefan  
and Katherine get hot and heavy while tied down with vervain ropes and a stake  
in each leg. :)

Damon: YOU LEAVE KATHERINE ALONE!

*snaps fingers* Broly, tie him up.

Broly: *ties Damon up and puts a stake in each leg*

Damon: OW!

*Katherine enters* why hello Stefan.

Stefan: *smiles* hello Katherine.

Katherine: Why is Damon all tied up and wearing a dress?

Stefan: Let's not worry about him. *kisses Katherine*

Katherine: Oh you naughty boy you.

*Stefan and Katherine make out*

Damon: STOP IT PLEASE!

Edward: *grins* this is great!

*10 minutes later*

Katherine: Well, this was fun but I must go. Places to go, people to kill. But will I see you again?

Stefan: Oh yes you will. *kisses her again*

Well, that was fun to watch.

Damon: THAT WAS AWFUL!

Edward: I beg to differ.

Damon: SHUT UP AND JUST UNTIE ME!

Broly: *unties Damon and takes the stakes out*

Damon: *looks at Stefan with murder* YOU! *tackles Stefan*

Stefan: It's just a game Damon gosh!

Damon: Were you saying that when that shark took a big clomp out of your rear?

Stefan: Umm...

Damon: Exactly! So don't tell me that this is a game because I know exactly what it is! It's torture!

Well, that was basically the point.

Damon: SHUT UP YOU WHORE!

Emily: Damon, you have servers anger issues.

Damon: I do not have anger issues!

Edward: Yes you do.

Damon: *grabs Edward and throws him into a wall* I DO NOT!

Emily: Broly, I think you need to step in.

Broly: My pleasure. *beats the living daylights out of Damon*

Damon: *growls* I HATE YOU!

We love you too Damon! Now on with the show! Please welcome burntcinnamon!

burntcinnamon: I love this story dbz rox! Check out my story- Random Places Stefan and Damon  
Other Characters?

Its kinda like this but there is a different idea behind it!

Of course I will!

I think that Stefan and Damon are both hot! But Damon is hotter, my torture  
for Stefan is-  
Lets all get Stefan's car and throw it into a dumpster and then light it on  
fire! Then lets burn his room on fire and set a hologram of Elena on top of the dumpster so the real elena doesnt get hurt and set her on fire!  
EMOTIONAL TORTURE BABE!

Great idea!

Stefan: You do anything to my car so help me god-

*smirks as I throw Stefan's car into the dumpster*

Damon: *lights it on fire*

Stefan: NOOOO! *falls to hands and knees crying*

Damon: *grins* that's not even the best part.

Stefan: wha- *sees Elena in the fire* ELENA!

Elena: Um Stefan, I'm right here.

Stefan: But I thought- *turns to see Damon laughing hysterically* YOU -BEEP- *attacks Damon*

Damon: Hey I'm not the one who thought of it! But it was a pretty good idea I must admit.

Stefan: I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL!

Damon: And you guys say I have anger issues! Look at him! He's about ready to go on a killing spree!

Stefan: *grumbles under breath* whatever you say Snow White.

Damon: *growls* Go die in a ditch with Tinkerbell over there!

Edward: HEY!

Stefan: Atleast he looks like a man, you look like you came out of a beauty palor.

Damon: Shut up! Atleast I'm not tinkerbell's twin.

Stefan: Don't compare me to him!

Emily: Ok I'm going to make this argument simple: Damon you look like someone's barbie doll and Stefan you look like Mr. Sprinkle Pants.

Damon: *smiles sweetly* when will someone chop off that big mouth of yours?

Emily: When will you go Victoria's Secret? You need some wardrobe and pronto!

Damon: When will you go jump off a cliff?

Ok I think everybody got the point here! Moving on! Next up is Alesandra54!

Alesandra54: Even Though I ABSOLUTELY love Damon...I'm afraid I would have to choose  
Stefan. I need stability not a mahwhore =p I mean for a one night stand I'd  
choose damon but over all its STEFAAAN!  
I would torture Damon by...well having Kathrine admit she never loved him AND then killing her in front of him AND have broly kick his ** again lol =p

Wow you really are evil! I like it!

Damon: Wait what is going on? I wasn't listening.

*ties Damon up*

Damon: Oh great now what? *sees Katherine walk in* Katherine! What are you doing here? Oh god, you're not going to make out with Stefan again are you?

Katherine: Nope. I came here to confess. The truth is...I've never loved you.

Stefan: *stakes Katherine in the heart*

Damon: Wha-what? No, no! KATHERINE! *gets free and runs to her side* Katherine wake up please!

Edward: *laughing* I knew she never loved you!

Damon: *screams in rage and attacks Edward with all his force*

Broly: Ok that's enough! *tries to get Damon off of Edward*

Damon: *picks up a piece of wood and rams it into Broly's body*

Emily: Broly tie him up so he can calm down.

Broly: *ties Damon up*

Damon: LET ME GO!

Emily: Nope.

Damon: -BEEPING- WHORE!

Broly: *punches Damon*

Umm...ok while we wait for Damon to regain his cool let's move on shall we?

: You're all going to die.

Huh? Who said that?

: I'm going to eat your soul!

Who are you?

Broly: OH -BEEP- It's Frieza!

Damon: Why are you guys freaking out over a freezer?

Frieza: I am not a freezer I am Frieza!

Damon: Wow a talking freezer. That's so cool!

Broly: *slaps forehead* idiot.

Frieza: I am the strongest in the universe! *fires a ki blast a Damon*

Damon: *dodges the blast using vampire speed while still stuck to the chair and rips the chair off* Cool a freezer that can fire lasers!

Frieza: STOP CALLING ME A FREEZER!

Damon: *runs up to Frieza* wow what are a cross dresser?

Frieza: I am not a cross dresser!

Damon: Could've fooled me with all that make-up and eye liner on!

Frieza: Atleast I don't look like Mary Poppens!

Damon: Whatever. *rips into Frieza's skin and drains him dry*

Broly: 0.0

Wow, well that was fun. Ok moving on to our next contestant! Oh Bonnie! You're back!

Bonnie: Hi everyone. I wanted to try out this spell I learned on Damon.

What spell Is it?

Bonnie: *whispers* love spell. *casts the spell on Damon*

Damon: What?

Bonnie: He will now lust over Stefan.

Damon: *looks at Stefan* Stefan, I love you!

Stefan: Uh oh! *runs away from Damon who is chasing after him madly*

Is anybody recording this to use as blackmail?

Emily: *giggles* I am!

Stefan: *runs away from Damon* stay away from me!

Damon: Come back Stefan! I want to -beep- you senselessly!

Hey Stefan! Let Damon kiss you! It'll be perfect for he blackmail and if you do I'll give you an entire forest with fat, plump bunnies!

Stefan: Fine but the bunnies better be fat.

Damon: *runs to Damon and kisses him hard*

Bonnie: Don't worry, he won't remember anything when the spell wears off.

Stefan: *pushes Damon away from him* where's the forest?

Over there. *points to a large group of trees with fat bunnies hopping around eating grass*

Stefan: They better be good. *goes over to the forest*

Damon: *rubs eyes* ugh what happened?

Oh nothing.

Damon: Are you sure? *looks at me suspiciously*

I'm sure Damon.

Damon: *looks at Edward* why the hell are you laughing?

Edward: Oh it's nothing. I just thought of something funny.

Damon: And why is my brother chewing happily on bunnies?

I don't know. They must taste good.

Emily: Look Damon, it's a talking freezer!

Damon: What?

Emily: *ties Damon up with ropes soaked with vervain and puts Barney on*

Emily: Hehe perfect torture idea!

Damon: Oh god no! *glares daggers at Emily* you -beeping- little -beep- I'll kill you!

Emily: Don't make threats that you can't put into action.

Damon: I swear when I get out of this I'm going to hurt you so bad you won't be able to stand for a week!

Emily: *smiles as she watches the video on the camcorder*

Damon: What are you watching?

Emily: If you must know I'm watching Broly and I have some fun in our bedroom. *agonized screams could be heard*

Damon: Wow, you moan like a man and your boyfriend screams like he's being tortured.

Emily: *tries to keep from bursting out laughing at the recording of Damon moaning while kissing his brother* I know I do. Got a problem with that?

Damon: That's so gay. I would never moan like that. *turns to see Edward dying from laughter* will you please shut up?

Edward: I'm sorry. *continues laughing*

Damon: all you people are seriously annoying me today. And how long does it take to eat some bunnies?

Stefan: *comes back over with a drop of blood on his lips* sorry everyone. I was having too much fun.

Damon: Yeah, because chewing on little furry white things is SO much fun!

Stefan: Be quiet Damon! You don't know what I went through to get them!

Damon: And I don't wanna know! Can we please end this pointless chapter already? Nothing interesting happened except for the part where Stefan got his -beep- taken off by a shark!

Hehe whatever you say Damon! I'm ending this chapter here but first let's tally up he votes shall we?

Emily: Stefan: 2 and Damon: 2. Congrats! It's a tie!

Damon: Yay, now we need somebody to be the tie breaker; Hailey. *smirks evilly as he grabs me and takes me backstage*

Nooo! I don't wanna go!

Edward: What do you think he is doing to her in there?

Stefan: Don't ask. He's probably making her say "Damon is your master."

Emily: 0.0 poor girl.

*15 minutes later*

Damon: *brings me back* Now say what we rehearsed.

Damon is my master and I vote for him.

Damon: Good girl. *pats head*

Emily: What did you do to her?

Damon: Showed her whose boss.

Ok so now Damon has three votes and Stefan has two. Damon wins this chapter!

Damon: Damn straight.

Hey, what happened to the -beep- thing?

Damon: I found out how that wrench was doing it so I took care of it.

Emily: What?

Damon: Oh and as for punishment for what you've been doing to me. *grabs Emily and takes her backstage*

*puts a hand on Broly's shoulder* Don't worry , Damon won't hurt her that much. Although I'm currently not able to sit at the moment.

Damon: *comes back with a red faced Emily*

So, how'd it go?

Emily: That SOB deserves to rot in hell!

Damon: Aww it wasn't that bad. Hailey enjoyed it.

Fuck. You.

Damon: Really? Again so soon? I don't know. This little red balloon over here packs a punch.

Emily: I'M GONNA MURDER YOU! Starting with chopping off your balls! -gets a chainsaw-

Broly: Emily honey-

Emily: Shut up Broly or else you're next!

Broly: *sighs*

Damon: GET THIS CRAZY BITCH AWAY FROM ME! *runs away from Emily who is waving a chainsaw around madly*

Emily: I'm going to make sure that you are in EXTREME pain!

Damon: *smirks* you have to catch me first!

Oh lord. Well, hoped you enjoyed reading and please leave your torture ideas at the door on your way out! Peace!

Emily: DAMON!


	5. Chapter 5

Damon VS Edward Who is Hotter Chapter 5

Hello everyone! I plan to start this show off with a bang!

*A loud bang could be heard*

What was that? And I didn't mean it litterally!

Broly: I think Damon did it again.

Ugh, let's go see. *walks over to where Damon is and sees a huge hole in the wall*

Umm, how did that get there?

Damon: I think I might've threw something against it hard and it went through the wall.

What did you- on second thought, I don't even want to know. Ok starting the show now!

Damon: Why do you bother writing? It sucks just as much as that low rate piece of crap movie Twilight.

You know that I can very well write you out of the story if you don't be nice to me. Or...I could write a slash fic between you and Tinkerbell over there.

Damon: DON'T YOU DARE!

Then be nice to me, for one full chapter or else you will be screwing a vampire that is a fairy and has no fangs.

Damon: FINE! *storms off*

Emily: Aww, I wanted to see that slash fic!

Hehe I already have it written.

Emily: Ooh let me read! *reads*

Damon: *walks back over and looks at Emily* what is miss powder puff reading?

Emily: *tries not to laugh* oh nothing. I'm reading a very graphic story about Edward screwing Bella. Wanna read?

Damon: No thank you. As long as I'm not screwing him then I don't care to read it.

Emily: Suit yourself. *continues reading with an amused expression on her face*

Ok starting with DawnSummersGarwin!

DawnSummersGarwin: Hmmmm, I totally love Damon the most. Stefan and Edward are such sissies, just  
like Angel of off Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I would def. take Damon and Spike  
no matter what. Damon is so hot. Hes got the whole badboy thing going on. My  
form of torture is:  
For Angel-turn him into a puppet like he did in his show, lol...  
For Stefan-starve him and lock him up in a room full of vervain for as long as  
possible, then lock him in a room with a newly turned Elena, Katherine,  
Dru(From Buffy), Darla(Buffy as well), let them torture him. Then bring in  
Buffy and Faith to have some fun of their own with him.  
For Edward-Let the girls that get to torture Stefan play with him as  
well.(Same goes for Angel.)Lol.  
This story is amazing BTW. So much fun to go around. Damon is awesome, hot,  
dangerous, and a million other things. For him and Spike being so great you  
should give them each their own motorcycle(the bikes have to work and be  
awesome looking,lol.) Okay I'm done now. Thanks for making an awesome story  
BTW...

Lots of things to do now! *makes a few phone calls*

Damon: What is she doing?

Broly: *shrugs*

And...done! The guys from Vampire Slayer are on their way!

Angel: Hello, we're here!

Spike: Yeah, let's make this quick, I don't have all day!

Oh god, not another Damon.

Spike: I can be whatever you want me to be baby. *winks*

Damon: *pushes me behind him and growls viscously* stay away from her you prune!

Spike: Oh really? Who's gonna make me you Twilight reject?

Damon: Bring it!

Edward: Ok guys, I think that's enough-

Spike and Damon: STAY OUT OF THIS FAIRY!

Angel: *turns to Edward* I'm sorry if they were a bit mean. Spike's kinda has a temper.

Edward: Don't worry, I'm used to it.

Stefan: We all are.

Ok let's start with the torture! *throws Stefan into a room filled with vervain*

Stefan: Grr! I hate you! Let me out of here!

Elena: Hello Stefan.

Stefan: Elena- OH CRAP KATHERINE!

Katherine: What's wrong? Are you not happy to see me? That's too bad. I even brought some friends to play with us as well."

Dru: This is going to be fun, torturing the Twilight reject.

Darla: Agreed! Let's began!

*screaming could be heard from the cellar*

Hey, we need to throw Angel in there too!

Angel: No way in hell am I going In there!

Yes you are! *throws Angel in the cellar*

Angel: I HATE YOU!

Now for Damon and Spike, since you two are so awesome I'm going to give you super cool looking motorcycles!

Damon: Sweet!

Spike: Awesome!

*two blue and red motorcycles appear*

Damon: I call the red one!

Spike: I get the blue!

Damon: *revs up motorcycle* these are really cool and run really well!

Spike: I agree! Hey wanna race while they're getting tortured?

Damon: Sure! Ready, set, GO! *speeds off with Spike right behind him*

Stefan and Angel: GET US OUT OF HERE!

Not until the torture is done. I'll give the girls five more minutes. hey Emily, why don't you go torture Eddie over there? He's looking pretty lonely.

Emily: Sure. *smiles evilly*

Edward: *eyes widen* n-no! You stay away from me!

Emily: Heh heh heh!

Edward: *screams like a schoolgirl*

Wow, some very unpleasant things happening right now.

Stefan: HELP ME!

Oh, I forgot, the torture isn't over yet! Let's bring in Buffy and Faith!

Buffy: *licks lips* where's my prey?

In there! *points to cellar*

Buffy and Faith: Thanks! *walks in* can we join the party?

Stefan and Angel: NO!

Katherine: *smiles deviously* sure, we could always use more help.

Stefan and Angel: SOMEBODY SAVE US!

Not likely. Now, how's that race coming along Damon and Spike?

Spike: That jerk is beating me!

Damon: Haha eat dust you loser!

Spike: Suck it!

Damon: No, that's Edward's job.

Edward: FUCK YOU!

Damon: Sorry I don't do dicks, I do tits.

Damon, I'm going to have to rate this fic M because of you!

Damon: Then do it! Then I can finally see my little brother and Eddie boy screw each other like the queers they are!

You seriously are mean.

Damon: And you love me for it!

Um no, I do not.

Edward: You sick bast-

Emily: No cussing! *hits Edward with mallet*

Edward: Ow!

Damon: Haha she got you good!

Emily: *hits Damon with mallet*

Damon: Ow you little-

Emily: *hits him again* NO CUSSING!

Edward: *holds ear* god she could blow out an eardrum with hose lungs.

Damon: She already blew out mine. Effing hoe!

Emily: You want to get hit again?

Damon: Hit me again and see what happens.

Emily: *tries to hit him again but Damon grabs her arm and pins it above her head* You really shouldn't have done that. *slams Emily up against the wall*

Emily: *struggling in his grasp* Damon let me go!

Damon: *puts his mouth close to her face, fanning her neck with his hot breath* make me.

Emily: *stares into his blue eyes, falling prey to his charm*

Damon: *leans in and kisses her on the lips*

Broly: *blood boiling with rage* GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HER! *charges at Damon*

Damon: *goes flying back from the impact but regains control and flies at Broly, ripping out his throat*

Broly: *screams in pain*

Emily: Broly! *runs over to Damon and knees him in the jewels*

Damon: Ouch. *falls to knees*

Emily: Broly! Are you ok?

Broly: *smiles weakly at her* I'm alright.

Emily: *turns to Damon and lifts him up by the collar of his shirt* you ever do that again and I'll make sure I'll damage your goods so bad you won't be able to use them again!

Damon: Kinky. I like it. *grins*

Damon, do you have a death wish?

Damon: No, why?

Because Emily is ready to tear you apart.

Damon: As if she can do anything to me.

She sure did a number to you jewels.

Damon: That's called lady's luck.

Whatever you say Damon.

Stefan: HEY, ARE YOU GUYS JUST GOING TO IGNORE ME ALL DAY?

Damon: That's a intriguing idea! I might do that!

Stefan: *growls*

Angel: You have to help us! I don't think I can take much more of this!

Damon: *quirks eyebrow* what exactly are they doing to you?

Stefan: They're raping us and throwing glitter on me so I'll sparkle!

Damon: *laughs hard*

Stefan: It's not funny!

Damon: Yes it is! Now you really will be Tinkerbell's twin!

Edward: STOP CALLING ME TINKERBELL YOU TWIT!

Damon: Not until you grow a pair of balls and start acting like a real vampire.

Edward: *flips Damon off*

Damon: Go stick that finger up Bella's butt. Oh wait, I killed her.

Edward: I hope you rot in a pit of fiery ashes you man whore!

Damon: Atleast I'm not a prostitute like you.

Emily: Ok guys, I think we have some more questions to answer.

Stefan: Aren't you going to let us out FIRST?

Fine. Geez Stefan stop whining like a baby. *let's them out*

Stefan: FREEDOM!

Angel: Yay! We're out of that hellhole!

Elena: Aw darn the torture is over!

Katherine: Yep. Too bad. I wanted to put this on Stefan. *holds up a fluffy pink dress with flowers embedded on the front*

Stefan: Don't come any closer with that thing! The torture is over!

Damon: It would've been nice to see you in a dress Stefan.

Stefan: You mean like the one you are wearing?

Damon: Shut up!

Edward: I wonder who would look prettier in a dress? Stefan or Damon?

Damon: SCREW YOU FAIRY!

I didn't know that Damon wanted to screw a fairy.

Damon: *slaps me across the face* shut up whore!

Ow! Damon, that was mean!

Emily: He's always mean. Especially with what he did to me yesterday!

Broly: You should've let me kill the bitch.

Damon: Aww, the big bad sayian takes orders from his human mate?

Broly: SHUT UP PRINCESS!

Damon: Do you want to die?

By the way Damon, you still have to be nice to me for one full chapter or else you and Edward will make hot love to each other. If you don't want that, then I suggest you apologize!

Damon: *glares daggers* fine, I'm sorry. There, you happy?

Yes I am.

Edward: Yay, everybody is happy! *claps*

Damon: Can I please kill him now?

No, we need him alive!

Damon: Then can I please kill her? *points to Emily*

You kill her and not only will you and Edward have hot wild sex, you'll also get married and have 10 kids together!

Damon: *grumbles under breath*

Stefan: Hey, why do you guys have cool motorcycles and we don't?

Damon: Because I'm awesome and you're not.

Spike: Yeah, we're badasses and you guys are sissies!

Angel: Screw you!

Edward: I think the contestants are waiting for us. We should bring them up here.

Damon: No one cares what you think twinkle toes!

Actually, he's right. We need to get more people in here. Ok let's bring out Obsessionreader!

Obsessionreader: Lol! I love your story! I am team Damon all the way! He SCREAMS hotness! I  
have nothing against Stephen, it's just that he reminds me of a better  
looking, less gay version of Edward the fairy princess Cullen. As for  
torture... Hmm... Make Elena confess her true feelings for Damon (of her love  
for Damon) then she shops get married 2 him and consummate their marriage in  
front of Stephen while he is tied down 2 a chair with vervain. Oh and Emily's  
boyfriend should kick Stephan's ** for a change. And with Elena and Damon  
please censor. Little kids like Edward and his family are watching! Oh! And  
for Edward, I'm REALLY glad Bella is dead.

Hehe great torture idea!

Edward: I hope you drop dead.

Damon: I like you. So for that I'm not going to kill you in your sleep.

Stefan: *growls* you better stay away from Elena!

Damon: You have no say in the matter considering your tied up to a chair with vervain ropes.

Stefan: You better let me out of here right now!

Damon: Nope, now Elena, is there something you want to tell me? Don't worry about depressed brother over there. He won't interfere.

Elena: Damon...I..I probably shouldn't have kept this in for so long but-

Stefan: Don't do it Elena!

Elena: I love you Damon! *runs into his arms and kisses him passionately*

Damon: *spins her around and kisses her with equal passion*

Stefan: Elena, I thought we had something!

Elena: We did Stefan but ever since I saw your brother I've been falling for him. It was only a matter of time.

Damon: Let's get married infront of dear brother so we can really drive him insane with jealously.

Elena: *smirks* lets.

Preacher: I now pronounce you husband and wife!

Stefan: Nooooo!

Elena: *rests her head on Damon's shoulders* love you babe.

Damon: Love you too kitten.

Edward: Ok I think I'm going to be sick.

Damon: Go back to the land of gay fairies and vampires that screw each other everyday.

Edward: Go die!

Damon: Already did moron.

Elena: Ok ok, break it up! Let's not make Damon cranky. We all know how that turns out.

Damon: Oh you know me too well.

Elena: I think I know you more in the bedroom. *seductive grin*

Stefan: Just please stop.

Damon: Haha not as much as I know you my dear.

Emily: I got another torture idea! Have sex infront of Stefan!

Stefan: *eyes widen* HELL NO!

Damon: What do you say babydoll?

Elena: Let's do it and make Stefan squirm in his seat.

Damon: You read my mind. *throws clothes off*

Stefan: AHHH I can't watch!

Spike: This is hot!

Angel: This is repulsively disgusting.

Faith: I agree with Spike!

Broly: I agree with Angel!

Dru: I agree with Spike!

Darla: I agree with Angel and Spike!

Buffy: I agree with Angel!

Edward: I agree with no one because I don't give a crap what they do. It's their life!

Stefan: Get these sick people away from me!

Damon: God Elena you are so good!

Elena: Mmmm...*licks Damon's chest*

Stefan: JUST STOP!

Elena: *gets off of Damon* that was fun.

Damon: *Nods* very fun. *smiles sexily*

Edward: Just kill me already.

Damon: I'll be happy to!

Edward: Screw you freak.

Damon: I'm not a gayward who sparkles in the sun. Shove it disco balls.

Edward: What?

Damon: Oh come on! Everyone knows that you have a disco ball under those pants! That's how you sparkle! I bet Bella used to go blind every night when she had to see them!

Edward: Shut up you pussy retarded vampire!

Damon: If that's me, then what does it make you? Oh wait I know! The queen of all fairies!

Ok Damon, that's enough. Let's get on with the show.

Damon: No!

*throws Damon against the wall* I said we are moving on! Next up is elenastarkiller! Welcome back!

elenastarkiller: Hahahahahahaha still lovin this fanfic! I'm still Team Stefan 3 and so I came up with torture for Damon: every person he's ever compelled can make him do anything they want (1 thing per person). And don't forget about Jeremy!  
I LOVE U STEFAN! 3

Damon: 0.0 oh crap...

Jeremy: I think I'll start off since he made me forget about Vicki's death. Ok Damon I want you to go put on some more make up to compliment that outstanding dress you're wearing.

Damon: No way in hell.

Damon...you have to do it.

Damon: ...fine! But they all owe me...big time! *puts more make up on*

Awww, doesn't he look so cute? We should put a pink bow in his hair to complete the decoration!

Damon: Screw. You. Whore.

It was just an innocent thought!^^

Damon: And I didn't like it! Now who is next? God knows I've compelled alot of people in my life.

Next is Caroline!

Caroline: You are such a jerk Damon! I want you to go jump off of a cliff!

Damon: Been there, done that sweetheart.

Caroline: Ok fine. I want you to go tell Stefan how much you love him!

Damon: 0.0 WHAT?

She meant like a brother Damon. Geez, get your mind out of the gutter, unless if that's really how you feel.

Damon: SHUT UP! *goes over to Stefan* Stefan, I...love you man. You're my brother, how could I not?

Stefan: That was really sweet Damon, but everyone here knows that you didn't mean a single word of it.

Damon: Yep I didn't so why bother?

Caroline: You are so insensitive Damon.

Damon: That's why people love me!

Nobody loves you Damon...and even if they DID they wouldn't love you for that!

Damon: You people are just in denial. When are you going to wake up and realize that I'm the perfect man for anybody? Everybody loves the bad boy.

Emily: You are so full of yourself Damon. When are you going to get over yourself?

Damon: By the time you lose some weight, my little cupcake.

He did not just say that...

Emily: What did you just say?

Damon: You're a fluffy, plump, sweet cupcake. With extra fat in the middle.

He really wants to die, doesn't he?

Emily: *shaking with anger* I. Am. Going. To. Kill. You.

Damon: Bring it on sweet cakes!

Emily: *eyes darken and slams Damon up against the wall* don't underestimate me. I am much stronger then you think. *throws Damon to the floor*

Damon: *dusts himself off* stupid whore ruined my jacket!

I think you better control your tongue when you speak to her.

Damon: And I think you better shut up!

*sighs* ok I think this is all of them. So sorry it took me awhile to update! I'll try and update everyday if I can!

Damon: Maybe you should stop updating period.

*flicks Damon off* review! 


End file.
